One thing I've been thinking about quite a bit here is how people relate to one another and the culture behind conversations.
Last week my friend and I were studying on a quad on campus and as I walked back from a trash can, two guys just bein lazy on the grass called me over. I guess I sparked their interest because I was actually throwing something in a trashcan, a practice still not learned in Amman. (but really, the litter here is so abundant it has just become part of the landscape. It's almost not ugly, the joke exists that the national bird of Jordan is a plastic bag). I walked over, we exchanged pleasantries, I gave them the quick explanation of why I look Arabic but don't speak Arabic (I think this is my most fluent sentence so far) and then said I had some studying to do so I excused myself. Would that have happened in the States?? I'm sure it DOES happen in the US at least a bit, and I'm sure there are also people in Jordan who don't spark conversations with everyone they meet, but I'm talking generalizations here. When was the last time that you were sitting with a friend and just called some random person over to chat? Somebody random engages me in conversation at least once a day here in Amman.
Maybe in the US the attitude towards relationships is "I'm doin my thing, you're doin your thing, sure, let's meet, but let's not get in each others way." Whereas here in the Middle East the attitude is more "I'm livin life, you're livin life, let's live life together!" Thoughts? My initial thoughts were "how cool! why can't this be more accepted everywhere!?" but...
Later on in that same day last week I was reading the second to last chapter of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I was into it, all I wanted to do was find out where Lisbeth Salander was moving all this money around to screw over the robber baron businessman who sent Blomkvist to Jail! I was captivated, I was concentrated, I was completely absorbed by the mystery...and some guy on a couch nearby leaned over and said "I'm Ahmad, what's your name" He startled/kinda annoyed me! How ironic was this immediate contradiction to my original conclusion about 2 hours beforehand. It would have been kinda rude for me to just say "hey look, I'm much more interested in the words on this paper right now, so sorry..." So I had to say Hey. What's up. How's it goin. What's your news. You study here? I study here too. How's it goin. Yes, you guessed it--I am Arabic but I don't speak Arabic, I'm just learning, etc etc. Soon one of his friends passed by and he left with him. phew! I could get back to my mystery.
I also think that this occurs more so to me than most american students. I must spark people's interest here, dark skinned, dark hair, lots of hair, but looking so American in my Patagonia jacket and Chaco Sandals. But I also think that this is how I operate in the states as well--wanting to meet everybody. But never in the US am I interrupted by someone else wanting to meet me! Where could I operate better, in a place where more people are outgoing and wear their heart on their sleeve, or in a place where I stand out as outgoing? I also just realized that when I say people--I really mean mostly men. (is that word spelled "mean" or "meen"? maybe I'm thinking of the arabic letter "meem" or maybe I'm just being confused by the internet's recent resurgence of "meems", or maybe I'm just going crazy haha) I was just talking to a CIEE staffer who graduated just recently from the University of Jordan and she was telling me that women are super gossipy and when they meet each other, they're already a bit skeptical, thinking "why does this girl want to be my best friend all of a sudden?" But with the guys, you can run into some guy who you've met just that morning through some mutual friend, eat lunch together, get some coffee and hookah, and be close acquaintances by the end of it. It's like men aren't ever skeptical of meeting and befriending other men. This CIEE staffer was telling me that the culture here is social built around being able to maintain friendships with a ridiculous number of people. Everybody here is good at remembering people's names, everybody here know at least a bunch of people, it's near impossible to graduate from the University of Jordan without at least 200 friends. This staffer was telling me that every weekend she's at a wedding, and she sees everyone she knows, they see her, she meets new people, they'll hang out, they'll go to each others weddings, etc, etc, etc. Sure people do have their close friends, but I think acquaintances are also considered friendships. I think this also leads to a culture that knows how to carry conversations with one another.
Ok now the big story: there was a snowball fight on campus that turned into quite the brawl...
I was getting lunch at the Milk Bar on campus and I ran into some guy who I had met just that morning at the conversation club. He helped me push my way through the crowd to get my sandwich after being given quite the run around by the sandwich men. All I wanted was a Turkey and Cheese! We chatted for a bit then another friend called who I had met on a bus just once more than two weeks ago. We went to meet her for some coffee and we ended up just chatting in the entrance of one of the cafeterias. We heard a commotion outside so we stepped out into the plaza on campus and saw a bunch of men wrapping their Huttas around their face like they mean business. Then we heard a bunch of yelling and saw some 2x4's get whipped out from nowhere and two of the men just walked up the entrance to the nearest building and smashed in the windows! Holy cow! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! my two friends were also surprised, but they were much more nonchalant about it. They chatted with some of the surrounding spectators and it turns out that a guy from a large tribe threw a snowball at the wrong guy from one of their rival tribes. He happened to have a gun and shot the first guy in the leg. yes. that simple. So the injured guy was thrown into a van and rushed off to the hospital, and all of his cousins, second cousins, third cousins, step cousins, cousin-in laws, starting calling their tribal homies and saying to come to campus cause they were going to have a fight. Next thing we know testosterone is being unleashed by windows getting smashed in with 2x4's and security guards are running in the opposite direction. No violence was directed at any people, but I'm sure anyone related to the shooter was already long gone. My friends asked me if this would ever happen in the US, "Not over a snowball!" I said. The Jordan Times just reported that the shooter is currently in custody and the injured is in the hospital being taken care of. CIEE rounded all of us up, made sure we were safe, and told us to go home since all classes were suspended for the rest of the day.
One the way to the CIEE roundup my two friends and I got the coffee we initially set out for and were chatting about how people relate to one another, One of them is a Ph.D. candidate for "the sayings of the prophet Mohammad" (Islamic studies) and he said that he ultimately believes that religious or not, we are here to connect with one another. I like it. But I also think that something should come from connecting with others, whether it be a friendship that's good for the soul, a friendship to accomplish similar goals, or both! I'd like to see if this easy-friendship-making continues with Arabs as they get older, or if it's just a finding-yourself-in-college thing. Either way, I'm so glad that my Friendship Skepticism Wall is coming down as I'm able to connect more and more with locals. But I'm still gonna think twice before I throw a snowball at anybody.
Last week my friend and I were studying on a quad on campus and as I walked back from a trash can, two guys just bein lazy on the grass called me over. I guess I sparked their interest because I was actually throwing something in a trashcan, a practice still not learned in Amman. (but really, the litter here is so abundant it has just become part of the landscape. It's almost not ugly, the joke exists that the national bird of Jordan is a plastic bag). I walked over, we exchanged pleasantries, I gave them the quick explanation of why I look Arabic but don't speak Arabic (I think this is my most fluent sentence so far) and then said I had some studying to do so I excused myself. Would that have happened in the States?? I'm sure it DOES happen in the US at least a bit, and I'm sure there are also people in Jordan who don't spark conversations with everyone they meet, but I'm talking generalizations here. When was the last time that you were sitting with a friend and just called some random person over to chat? Somebody random engages me in conversation at least once a day here in Amman.
Maybe in the US the attitude towards relationships is "I'm doin my thing, you're doin your thing, sure, let's meet, but let's not get in each others way." Whereas here in the Middle East the attitude is more "I'm livin life, you're livin life, let's live life together!" Thoughts? My initial thoughts were "how cool! why can't this be more accepted everywhere!?" but...
Later on in that same day last week I was reading the second to last chapter of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I was into it, all I wanted to do was find out where Lisbeth Salander was moving all this money around to screw over the robber baron businessman who sent Blomkvist to Jail! I was captivated, I was concentrated, I was completely absorbed by the mystery...and some guy on a couch nearby leaned over and said "I'm Ahmad, what's your name" He startled/kinda annoyed me! How ironic was this immediate contradiction to my original conclusion about 2 hours beforehand. It would have been kinda rude for me to just say "hey look, I'm much more interested in the words on this paper right now, so sorry..." So I had to say Hey. What's up. How's it goin. What's your news. You study here? I study here too. How's it goin. Yes, you guessed it--I am Arabic but I don't speak Arabic, I'm just learning, etc etc. Soon one of his friends passed by and he left with him. phew! I could get back to my mystery.
I also think that this occurs more so to me than most american students. I must spark people's interest here, dark skinned, dark hair, lots of hair, but looking so American in my Patagonia jacket and Chaco Sandals. But I also think that this is how I operate in the states as well--wanting to meet everybody. But never in the US am I interrupted by someone else wanting to meet me! Where could I operate better, in a place where more people are outgoing and wear their heart on their sleeve, or in a place where I stand out as outgoing? I also just realized that when I say people--I really mean mostly men. (is that word spelled "mean" or "meen"? maybe I'm thinking of the arabic letter "meem" or maybe I'm just being confused by the internet's recent resurgence of "meems", or maybe I'm just going crazy haha) I was just talking to a CIEE staffer who graduated just recently from the University of Jordan and she was telling me that women are super gossipy and when they meet each other, they're already a bit skeptical, thinking "why does this girl want to be my best friend all of a sudden?" But with the guys, you can run into some guy who you've met just that morning through some mutual friend, eat lunch together, get some coffee and hookah, and be close acquaintances by the end of it. It's like men aren't ever skeptical of meeting and befriending other men. This CIEE staffer was telling me that the culture here is social built around being able to maintain friendships with a ridiculous number of people. Everybody here is good at remembering people's names, everybody here know at least a bunch of people, it's near impossible to graduate from the University of Jordan without at least 200 friends. This staffer was telling me that every weekend she's at a wedding, and she sees everyone she knows, they see her, she meets new people, they'll hang out, they'll go to each others weddings, etc, etc, etc. Sure people do have their close friends, but I think acquaintances are also considered friendships. I think this also leads to a culture that knows how to carry conversations with one another.
Ok now the big story: there was a snowball fight on campus that turned into quite the brawl...
I was getting lunch at the Milk Bar on campus and I ran into some guy who I had met just that morning at the conversation club. He helped me push my way through the crowd to get my sandwich after being given quite the run around by the sandwich men. All I wanted was a Turkey and Cheese! We chatted for a bit then another friend called who I had met on a bus just once more than two weeks ago. We went to meet her for some coffee and we ended up just chatting in the entrance of one of the cafeterias. We heard a commotion outside so we stepped out into the plaza on campus and saw a bunch of men wrapping their Huttas around their face like they mean business. Then we heard a bunch of yelling and saw some 2x4's get whipped out from nowhere and two of the men just walked up the entrance to the nearest building and smashed in the windows! Holy cow! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! my two friends were also surprised, but they were much more nonchalant about it. They chatted with some of the surrounding spectators and it turns out that a guy from a large tribe threw a snowball at the wrong guy from one of their rival tribes. He happened to have a gun and shot the first guy in the leg. yes. that simple. So the injured guy was thrown into a van and rushed off to the hospital, and all of his cousins, second cousins, third cousins, step cousins, cousin-in laws, starting calling their tribal homies and saying to come to campus cause they were going to have a fight. Next thing we know testosterone is being unleashed by windows getting smashed in with 2x4's and security guards are running in the opposite direction. No violence was directed at any people, but I'm sure anyone related to the shooter was already long gone. My friends asked me if this would ever happen in the US, "Not over a snowball!" I said. The Jordan Times just reported that the shooter is currently in custody and the injured is in the hospital being taken care of. CIEE rounded all of us up, made sure we were safe, and told us to go home since all classes were suspended for the rest of the day.
One the way to the CIEE roundup my two friends and I got the coffee we initially set out for and were chatting about how people relate to one another, One of them is a Ph.D. candidate for "the sayings of the prophet Mohammad" (Islamic studies) and he said that he ultimately believes that religious or not, we are here to connect with one another. I like it. But I also think that something should come from connecting with others, whether it be a friendship that's good for the soul, a friendship to accomplish similar goals, or both! I'd like to see if this easy-friendship-making continues with Arabs as they get older, or if it's just a finding-yourself-in-college thing. Either way, I'm so glad that my Friendship Skepticism Wall is coming down as I'm able to connect more and more with locals. But I'm still gonna think twice before I throw a snowball at anybody.
Good friendships endure time and distance and when they meet up, they pick from where they left and move on. The gaps get filled later on.
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